The Audi Q7 Is Everything Wrong With America
 

I got an Audi Q7 today as an Enterprise rental/service loaner; it's the first chance I've had to drive one, and I was mildly excited since it's a vehicle I'd recommended people look at based solely on its spec sheet.

What a terrible, terrible mistake.

The Q7 is big. Really, really big. Exxon Valdez big. But as big as it is, it feels bigger. It's giant, square hood emphasizes its girth to the driver. It's boxy shoulders do the same. The standard Audi MMI and other controls feel like they were sized for an A4 or A3, and are comically underscale in its vast interior; they seem spread too thin, like they're the final few sprinkles you tried to stretch over the last six cookies.

None of that would matter if the Q7 drove well, but jesus, it. does. not. It lumbers over bumps, feeling both under- and over-damped at the same time. It somehow lets no road imperfection escape notice while simultaneously feeling like all the suspension components are covered in a thick wool carpet. There's no steering feel. There's no anything feel, except random jolts up through the chassis. How can something this heavy feel this perturbed at such slow speeds?

Hilariously, it has a "dynamic" chassis mode. That does not help.

The engine...is there? I guess? It's not slow but it doesn't feel particularly happy about going fast. This one is badged 3.0T, which I don't care enough to look up but I think means a single turbo 3.0 liter six with 300 plus hp, but it never feels enthusiastic about motivation. It's like a surly butler being asked to pick up the pace. I never thought an engine could roll its eyes, but this one does.

The automatic transmission is also present. It shifts gears for you, but not well. It also rolls its eyes. It and the engine would like you to leave them alone so they can go back to texting one another.

So why would anyone buy this thing? Over, say, an A4, which is better in literally every way, from performance to economy to comfort (and price)?

Well, it seats 7.

Which is what brings me to the "wrong with America" point. You don't need a car that seats 7 people, unless you are in a few very specific situations that likely do not apply to you. Do you have 4 kids*? Do you have 3 infants*? Do you coach a soccer team of people whose parents can't drive? Are you a school bus driver expected to bring your own bus?

If none of these apply to you, you don't need a 7 passenger car. A 5 passenger A4 will do just fine.

The fact that someone would get into this thing, and say "yes, I want this, it is good and what I need," is what makes me sad for America and the world.






*Jesus fucking Christ, why?? What the fuck is wrong with you?

:dunno: Shit happens.

Alex

I don’t think the target market for this car is most of us.

And if any of us were —WTH. I’d get a Tahoe.

you should of talked to my wife:lol:

Yeah seems like a nice car on paper. I thought all new audis have lifeless steering:dunno:

:lol:

I daily drive a car at least as big (probably bigger) and seats fewer people. But when my wife was shopping for cars back in 2014, she specifically did NOT want a minivan or three-row vehicle because she didn't want to be the local bus driver.

#bringbackwagons

:lol:

:lol::lol:

Did they supersize the A4 recently? The last one I sat in (2013?) barely fit 2 people. I suppose if the front-seat passengers are 4'-11", and the three kids in the back seat like sitting directly up against each other (as they all do, of course).

Well there's your problem. No thanks.

I’ll bet our X5 weighs that much, but is not nearly as loathsome as the Audi sounds. And what makes me think Alex may have one of these. :)

Alex has four kids...I may have gone a little far in my critique of lifestyle choices.

It was for a good cause

Q7 sounds like no fun for even that type of vehicle, but it’s that type of vehicle, so it’s sad.

My Armada seated 7. It was the right vehicle at the right time in my life. Even without the towing. The 7 seater minivan that came a few years later was also the right vehicle at the right time. The only bad thing about it was it was a minivan. Same thing the only thing wrong with the E46 was that it was a BMW

I’ve got 3 kids and have had 7 seaters for the last 14 years, we felt a need for it because between the kids friends, nieces and nephew there were many times where the third row was needed.

Finally now that 2 of the 3 kids drive we are at the point where the third row is not used as often ... most likely when the lease is up we will be getting my wife a sedan.

The third row in the Q7 is useful for double amputees and kids under the age of 8. Maybe. My 7 year old got back there and his first question was "do these seats go back farther??" (spoiler: no).

My daughter (nearly 12) claims that we could use the third row all the time to haul her friends around. She is wrong. None of her friends would want to sit back there in a parking lot, let alone while the thing is in motion.

Honestly, we found the jump seats in the back of the first Tesla useful on...half a dozen occasions, potentially, and that was just because the kids were both still in car seats. We could have gotten by without them. If it meant never having to drive this Audi again, I'd hire an uber on those occasions.

On one of my trips to CA for my brother, I rented a VW Atlas. It actually was a decent car. I don't know if it is related to the Audi Q7 or so - it was 'big' and had that 'square shoulder' feel that you mentioned.

But - I liked it. I actually did. The first rental in quite a while I would not mind owning.

I've been through a few iterations of that over the past 18 years. Including also owning an Armada, which hauled 8. It was, absolutely, the correct type of car for us at that time.

Our Pilot (current Gen) had a perfectly usable 3rd row, and we carried teens and adults back there on many occasions with no complaints about legroom. The Pilot and Q7 are similarly sized on the outside, so perhaps the difference is that Audi isn't very good at efficient packaging on the interior (?). Actually, see my comment above about the A4.

You could say the same things about a Suburban or a Tahoe, but they serve a purpose. We rent something like that every year when we go on a family ski trip. Five adults plus all of our gear fit comfortably in them. It's hard to do that in a wagon.

And I suspect this isn't your demographic, but there are huge swaths of the American population who go on family trips every year towing travel trailers. Or boats. Or jet skis, or whatever. I agree that big SUVs suck to drive every day, but if you can't afford two vehicles (or don't have the space, or don't want two vehicles) then it makes sense to own one. As a kid I went on tons of camping trips with my friends' families, and we all piled into massively-overloaded minivans or full-size vans to make those trips. I'd much rather drive a Q7 than a Chevy Express.

I remember all the uproar when Ford introduced the Excursion. Why would anyone need such a massive mall-crawler? Well I'll be damned if those pieces of Ford garbage aren't still super popular with racers and off-roaders and outdoorsman because they swallow a lot of gear, they have 4WD, and you could buy them with a diesel. :dunno:

If this thing drives anything like the GL, the problem with it is that it makes my diesel pickup truck feel small and agile in comparison. The GL lumbers in a way that I simply can’t understand and makes it one of the largest feeling vehicles I have ever driven.

8 now that I married another dumbass.

Alex

*Do you have lots of dogs? *Do you have a weekend house?

I think you're also forgetting the pet factor and the frequent travel to a remote destination. We maxed out our X5 every weekend we drove out to Rappahannock. Three dogs in the way back, kid in the backseat, and all our gear, occasionally a couple of cats as well. (Plus a stop for groceries midway, because we had no real stores closer than 30 miles).

There were many times my kid had his feet on top of boxes or bags, and stuff crammed in all around him. The dogs, too.

We couldn't leave a rooftop carrier on the X, because it wouldn't fit in the garage that way. And we couldn't face putting it on and taking it off every other week.

I will concede that the X5 form factor is the biggest thing I ever want to drive regularly. And, I avoid driving it as much as I can.

Let's be fair, though. The GMT800HD trucks are the sports cars of 3/4 ton pickups.

There are valid use cases for a product like this. There are valid use cases for full size pickups, too, but that doesn't mean they make sense for the majority of the hundreds of thousands of people that buy them each year.

This really should be a niche vehicle. The fact is that most of the people I know who have things like this don't use them for annual trips or for anything more challenging than driving to the elementary school drop off line. And even if they were going to take trips like that--why not do what you suggest above and rent something? I can't imagine living with this POS 51 weeks a year just because on the 52nd I put some duffel bags in the back and head to the beach.

Whatever. People can buy whatever dumb shit they want. I don't care. They can vote for Trump and build McMansions and have 3 kids, too.

I’m curious to what that last sentence means about having 3 kids :dunno:

Don’t you realize people think the same thing about sports cars, they are uncomfortable to daily drive, they are too small, too loud, plus like a lot of people say ... where are you going to drive it so fast yet we as a certain group love them.

Different strokes for different folks !!

I think we found the crux of the issue. Josh is still in the everything is shit mode.

Edit: not to say the Q7 doesn't suck, but there is a lot of usefulness in a larger SUV/wagon.

But you obviously do care. And it obviously continues to kill you inside that not everyone shares your particular ideals, morals, priorities, political ambitions, etc. Why are yours all superior to everyone else's? How do you know that they're superior?

Couldn't we take this a step further and lambaste anyone that owns multiple cars when they really only need one? Or owns anything but the most basic, efficient transportation? JST, why don't you just be a good, decent human being and drive a Honda Civic?

:lol: :thumbup:

Yeah, which just begs the question of why the hell you'd buy a GL/Q7 instead of a Suburban?

Back in the olden timey days, that's what people bought if they had a big family. There were no minivans to speak of. Either a Suburban or a big Country Squire wagon.

Edit : Some might argue our current woes (polarized country) are the result of the predominance of two or one-child families these days:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...iddle-children

I have not driven a Q7 but I've driven Q3s and Q5s. Garbage.

all top selling Audi's:eeps:

No!!!!! Really?

I would absolutely consider an RS Q7 that leverages the TTV8 from the other large RS cars.

Well, they have vastly nicer interiors, I have to imagine. The newest Suburbans are very nice compared to what they were ten years ago, but you're always aware you're driving something pretty low-rent, despite the >$50k MSRP. I have to imagine a Q7 has a pretty baller interior.

As to Josh's question about why not rent... Renting is a hassle. It's the part of our yearly trip planning that I dread the most. Renting a full-size SUV is also insanely expensive.

Like Josh I really don't get the appeal of big SUVs. A pickup truck is better at hauling stinky / messy stuff (er, minus children, which are both stinky and messy), and a minivan is better at hauling people with their stuff. But people like SUVs. I like small sports cars for regular driving and I like my pickup for towing. :dunno:

If we're going fancy, I actually think the Escalade interior is pretty nice (leather dash, etc.), plus they handle well with the magnetic suspension. One reason for choosing a GL or Q7 (Q7 is actually quite a bit smaller than the MB - more like the Volvo), is parking in the city. I could fit the Audi into our parking spots and parallel park on the street almost as easily as I can with the X5. A tahoe-sized GM is problematic for that. I understand my use case is fairly unique.

Edit: one point in favor of the GL is that you can get it with real engines, not this 300+hp nonsense from Audi.

The Suburban is huge, it is definitely the next size up compared to the GL (almost 2 feet bigger). I like the Suburban and have taken a few road trips with them and they are really comfortable driving vehicles but it is really IMO in a different category than the other two vehicles.

I know you don't like the GL's but I've got to tell you, having 3 of them in the past they are really great vehicles for the family and the snob factor doesn't hurt :eeps:


Have you driven the redesigned 2018 Q5 ? It is really great, much better then the previous generation ... great power, really nice handling, beautiful interior, etc. I've had a few of them as loaners and always walk away impressed.

I've also driven my brother 2018 SQ5 ... now that thing is fun ... for an SUV:D

Mercedes did make one mistake and they got rid of the 8 Cylinder in the GLS450. Even though they say the 6 Cylinder is just as good if not better I always liked the feel and sound of the 8.

I don't disagree that the Suburban is physically (much) larger. I'm just saying that it *drives* a lot smaller than a GL.

Agree with AF on killing off the V8.

But I still love the Escalade.

GM does the GMT900s well.